My dialogue
Guy: HEY, BRING ME MY DINNER. I WANT IT RIGHT NOW ON MY TABLE. (Bangs fists on the table)
Wife: (shouting from kitchen) YOU DRUNK BASTARD, FORGET ABOUT DINNER, ITS ALL RUINED, THE SQUIRRELS HAVE STOLEN THEM
Guy: HEY, HEY! YOU MIND YOUR WORDS THERE LADY SHOW SOME BLOODY RESPECT TO THE MAN CAN YOU?
Wife: (walks into dining area, beside the man) Respect?? You want some bloody respect???? You drink; waste all of our damn money and YOU WANT SOME RESPECT! (CENSORED) There’s no dinner and its your choice to either go starve yourself tonight or go cook up something for yourself.
(Wife walks out of the house, slamming the door).
June 11, 2007 at 4:51 am
The added effects add to the enjoyment of the piece, but they ultimately mask the fact your dialogue is rather flat. Characters don’t have any particular psychology, and it’s hard to separate either of them from cliche. I worry you spent more time on the production values of the piece than you did on the creative content (that means you should have a long career ahead of you in Hollywood.)